Point Failures

Why? Well… How’s this for starters:

I was on my merry way to the UK from Chicago (business trip), happily dozing in my seat. I get awoken by slight turbulence, nothing major.

Hello, this is the captain speaking. We’re going to be making an unscheduled divert to Manchester Airport

due to the snow at London Heathrow. There is also a 2 hour holding pattern and we do not have enough fuel to stay up that long.

Oh okay, great. So, you’re saying that we don’t have enough fuel for an extra two hours? Oh dear.It turns out there was less than 5 CM of snow, Canadians SNEEZE more than that amount of snow.

As you can expect, this was a rather rude awakening. My plane was due to land at 10am, in LHR Terminal 4. Alas, we landed at 10am at Manchester International.

So, i’ve finally come to accept that i’m going to Manchester for a bit, we pull up to our parking spot.

This is the captain speaking again, we’re going to refuel then organise a slot with Heathrow ATC. We’ll be on our way in under an hour.

***Three Hours Later***

The Captain again, we’re ready for take off. The flight should take 30 minutes from here to London, we’ll have you underway as soon as possible. Cabin crew cross check and prepare for takeoff.

Fine. I am pissed off now. 3 hours and i’m taking off again. At least, nothing can screw up now, right? Well..

***One hour forty-five Minutes later***

We’re preparing to land now, we were stuck in a holding pattern. Cabin Crew be seated.

What the hell?! Heathrow ATC obviously needs a new diary. We were perfectly on time, but the assholes had probably fucked off to lunch because they were bored playing with model airplanes. I have to tell myself this isn’t their fault. I must calm down. They’re all stuck here like i am…

Now, guess what happened? GUESS.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! *SCREAAAAAAAAM* *KICCCCCCCCCCK* MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Children. god-damned children. So i bury my head into my flimsy little piece-of-crap blanket and sulk. Anyway, i digress….

We eventually land at LHR, finally! Now… it’s not all great yet, two pieces of bad news come at once:

• Due to all the chaos, the gate system is screwed, so we will have to get an airport bus to the terminal, no problem.
• They cant find the buses.

What is with people?! How can you lose two great dirty big buses!

***One hour and thirty minutes later***

This is the Captain speaking, sorry once again for the delay, the buses are now on their way, it will be about ten minutes.

***Thirty Minutes Later***

I’m starting to not believe this Captain dude, sure he can fly an Airplane, but he sure as well sucks at estimating times. Alas, the buses eventually pull up and start to unload passengers, except… there IS ONLY ONE BUS. 238 people onto one bus? Ha.

The bus has to make 3 round trips, causing more delays.

Eventually, i get off the plane and to baggage handling, after a 40 minutes wait i get my bag, then try and navigate the complex disorderly system that is Terminal Four.

At 5pm, i eventually start my journey home.

Thanks Heathrow, BAA and BA. You all suck nuts.